Self sabotage : Six Mistakes you Fast Thinkers are Making

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You fink yr clever Cozu get so mooch dun . You are so fast inside that fast thinking head of yours that you don’t make time to stop and check all those tasks you are completing. Your emails, reports and notes left for colleagues are full of errors. You think you’re fast and clever. Some of them think you’re sloppy and a little bit stupid.

Your fast and furious is someone else’s fuzzy and flaky. Because your head values volume and speed over arriving on time and delivering a quality outcome sometimes, your lateness and inability to complete are getting in your way. You think looking busy and having so much to think about in double quick time is a sign of your amazing intellect. Your colleagues sometimes think you’re a failure with a capital F.

You are in love with the sound of thinking about 200 things rather than 2. It’s got to be better to always deliver more right? You think that the faster you can process information and get things done, the more effective you are.World renowned quantum physicist Stephen Hawking has a brain the size of a small planet and has spent over 40 years thinking about one thing, black holes.Your colleagues don’t believe that having a busy head full of thoughts means you are clever. In fact, they think your head is full of black holes where information disappears, never to be seen again.

You are skimming around the dance floor doing the quick step on your own. Everyone else is doing the Hokey Cokey. In your quest to think fast and go fast you’re exhausting yourself and getting nowhere fast. Your inability to notice the rhythm of everyone else means that your head is running on empty looking for the next space to dance in . Your colleagues are working together, more slowly and purposefully creating innovative ways to put their whole self in and shake it all about.

Your fast head is playing mind ping pong. You think this is a sign of your ability to think about multiple things at once. You can flit here, flip there and bat ideas around the amygdala like Federer can return a serve at Wimbledon. Your colleagues think you are suffering from severe headless chicken syndrome. They keep throwing you packets of seeds with intent and possibility written on them but your head is so unfocused you seem incapable of seeing either.

You’re busy feeding your addition addiction. Your desire to keep your fast thinking head moving has you adding to your to do list and the things you say yes to like a glutton in a pie eating contest who hasn’t eaten for a week. You are heading for overwhelm and your inability to think in a straight line will make your delivery and performance suffer in the longer term. You think you are overwhelmed and delivering at capacity to the best of your capability. Your colleagues think your performance is underwhelming and you could deliver more by doing less.

So what to do?

Slow it all down and develop your thinking flexibility by learning how to use fast and slow thinking purposefully every day.

You can find out more about purposeful thinking here or on FB and get a copy of my short book designed to help you think with Intent, Possibility and Purpose here.

With thanks to Brent Beshore of ADventures whose article on things you are doing to sabotage success in Forbes sparked my thinking for this piece.

 

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The Little Red Dress of Off The Shoulder Confidence

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“ I am convinced that one of the most helpful things we can do for people is to refuse  to buy into their inappropriately restricted views of their limitations”    Nathanial Branden

  At this time of year I do some random  check ins with clients I have coached. It’s a half hour call where we just chat about what ‘s working, what possibilities the clients I have worked with are creating, what successes they have noted since our work completed and an opportunity for me to say thanks for a great year.

I did a call yesterday with a wonderful woman who is already successful in her field and is destined for even greater things in 2013. When we met, she was great at standing up in front of casts of hundreds to deliver presentations. Her research and her knowledge of her specialist subject are well known and highly respected. Everyone sees her as a huge success.

This time last year she couldn’t  even attend the awards ceremony where she was up for an award ( delivered in her absence) because she was just too shy to be seen. Her own self image was very different to the outside she portrayed most of her working day. She had what she described as ” body and self esteem issues “. She was shy of shining and standing out because she felt small, petite, diminished and insignificant . ( Her words in session one not mine). I just didn’t see that. I saw a savvy, smart, hardworking woman underselling her potential.

In our call today, she relayed her experience of this years’ awards ceremony where she didn’t get an award. She had a great time mingling with others in her bright red dress ( off the shoulder and above the knee please note ) and when she was invited up to give  the acceptance speech that she was too afraid to give last year, she did. I asked her how it made her feel.She said….. ” A  little nervous, then very brave, then, so confident that I could have stayed on that podium and talked all night. I was ON FIRE” . (Must have been the red dress).

Lyn is an example of why I do what I do. She couldn’t even bear to look at herself in a mirror for more than five seconds when we met. Coaching is all about possibility, it’s all about, getting the fear out, looking it square in the face with a clarity that says ” I love life and you dear fear are not part if it anymore.” It ‘s about singing ” I got my red dress on ” or ” get up and boogie” whatever song you want to sing. It’s  about finding your true song and learning to sing it for the first time.

And sometimes, it’s about learning how to sing in an off the shoulder red dress to accept the recognition of the wonderful you that others can see when you can’t – yet.

I love facilitating success. After sixteen years of coaching I never tire of helping people change their story.I love seeing the possibility of my clients unfold like the pages of a crisp new book.I’d love to work with more people like Lyn who want a new story and want to live in possibility land.  I made a little you tube video about Thinking in possibility and you can watch and like it here.

There are  some slots available for coaching with me from March 2013. I work with clients for  3 months, 6 months or on  my ” YES” (You Exploring Success) one day intensive. Get in touch by clicking on possibility ifyou want to create possibility and success. Put ” I want to wear my red dress in 2013″ in the header of your email, or if your shy that I might judge you for wanting to wear a cute little red number (I won’t) you could simply write….

“Can we have a conversation about my coaching with you in 2013″

Loving the possibilities.

Marie x

 

   

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Premiership Football, Honour and Doing the Right Thing

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I have been pre occupied with the return of parliament for the last two weeks or so and political shenanigans are on my radar.

In particular, the antics of Mr. Gove. Our right Honorable Secretary of State for Education.

Mr. Gove spent the first week of parliament’s return abrogating his responsibility for the plight of several 16 year olds across the country whose exams have been marked to a different standard this summer without, it seems, consulting teachers. This has resulted in what many a teen will see as exam failure because they didn’t meet their own, their parent’s and their teacher’s grade expectation.

How could they? It’s like expecting a football team to play a single premiership football game and not telling them until after they have scored that the net was in the wrong place and their goals are not valid. That the 3 – 0 West Ham –Fulham score a couple of weekends ago was really a draw. That now the Premier League have examined the state of play it doesn’t matter that West Ham thought they were playing by certain rules because, well, the league have applied a different set of standards. They have moved the goal posts (literally) and these football managers and footballers really ought to keep up.

It gets worse…

The Right Honorable Michael Gove wants to change the GSCE system that children experience between 14 and 16. He has wanted to do this since he was appointed minister. Well actually, it seems for some years. When he was asked why he was changing the system he actually said on national television “ because I believe the old system to be the right one, I attended a grammar school and completed exam based o levels (GCSEs) and I have always wanted to reintroduce them. I think it is the right thing to do”.

Strange- I thought we elected politicians to do what we wanted them to do rather than fulfil their own personal aspirations at the expense of future citizens? I can see nothing that is either right or honourable about this approach.

He is introducing an exam only system rather than continuous assessment. These despite the fact that life and work and experience of the world are rarely like an exam. Show me a life choice, a life experience that really necessitates studying for 2 years and the result being assessed in a 3-hour exam. We are at risk of creating young minds that are practiced at passing exams rather than really learning. Really learning how to continuously apply knowledge and skills. We all know that learning is a continuous process rather than an episodic event right? So, will history consign this little escapade as the introduction of

Gove’s

Crazy

Stupid

Ego exams?

It’s like the chairman of the League telling a group of premiership footballers that we have made a mistake in training them to undertand pitch strategy whilst actually standing and positioning themselves on the pitch. That their future income is at risk if they don’t get grade C or above in a three hour exam that they will sit next week.

Before you start thinking “bitter, she obviously didn’t do well in her GCSEs like that nice Mr. Gove did”. I passed my 11 plus and am part of the previously privileged who, along with David Gove  went to grammar school. I have 11 o levels. (I believe he has 8) I am not remotely bitter about the system I went through. It served me well. I do remember that I had friends who felt they were written off at age 11. That their parents felt their careers were limited from therein because they would do the seemingly lesser CSE level exams and would be considered a lesser mortal because they “were not good at exams”.

Like Mr. Gove -I was lucky enough to experience a grammar school education. It doesn’t mean that I am any brighter than people who didn’t. It was over 30 years ago. We need to move with the times and in 2012 we do know that exams are not the only indicator of ability. We have moved beyond creating an education system that acts like a ” one time only ” offer in the supermarket of teenage life.

In case you haven’t noticed- unusually this has hit a nerve.

It’s yet another bit of nonsense we are creating to put young people through new hoops and make the world look unfair to them, yet again. It will be done too quickly. Although the press announcement says that the system will take effect in 2014 this means that children aged 14 starting their studies now will be affected and will go through this new system.

Let’s hope there is one amongst them who thinks “ in 10-20 years time I will be secretary of state for education and I will reverse this system and introduce meaningful ways of assessing ability and learning for children that equips them for the 21st century rather than the 20th- just because when I am secretary of state, I can and I think it’s the right thing to do”

We have these people called MPs elected to run the country and we elected them. Pupils have their pupil parliament. Most of our MPs take their duty of representation very seriously indeed. You can always write to yours if you feel inclined or have your child make their views known through the pupil parliament.

Enough ranting from me. Maybe Mr. Gove might like to create a GCSE in ranting- I am not offering to mark it. A GCSE in 21st century thinking or common sense – I could be tempted to apply for Chief Examiner for that one.

Marie x

 

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Keep your hands to yourself at work

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Okay people. I thought we had gone beyond the days of the master servant relationship at work. It seems not.

As you may know, I do the occasional mediation in organisations.

I have done two in the last 4 weeks that relate to behaviour at work by leaders. I feel compelled to pen a few words of advice to those of you responsible for people out there. Call them Marie’s commandments for getting the best out of people and keeping your job if you like.

Thou art not god and even if you have grown to believe in the divine invisibility of yourself, you are still a human being. Act like one

  1. Thou shalt not worship thine own image as if you were god. Take a look in the mirror. Sometimes you appear just like “them” out there beyond your office.
  2.  Thou shalt not take the name of those who work for you and tell them they are dead to you or their career is finished or any such taking of names in vain.
  3. Remember it’s a work day- keep it wholly focused on that.
  4. Honour thy paymaster and thy reputation. Neither comes cheap.
  5. Thou shalt not kill or strike or even lay a hand on another in anger at work. Try taking up boxing or anger management.
  6. Thou shalt not become adult weary and start behaving like a child at work. It’s puerile and really you look quite silly.
  7. Thou shalt not steal. Even if it isn’t written in a policy it’s just basic.
  8. Thou shalt not bear false witness for tis another name for lying and if thy employer reasonably believeth that they cannot trust thee thou job may disappeareth.
  9. Thou shalt not covet the success of another and try to destroy their career as a result. It’s so unimaginative and what goes around comes to those who wait in recruiter’s offices.

I may have these carved into stone and place them around the city of London in strategic locations.

There is a really simple rule about leadership and behaviour at work in general- be reasonable and remember that even if some considered Attila the Hun reasonable, the vast majority-just didn’t. His name is memorable, but for all the wrong reasons. Being a leader is a privileged position. The job is really about serving those you lead so they will follow not beating them into submission and humiliating them in the hope that you can control them.

Happy leading because happy leaders create guess what……

Marie x

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How good are you at receiving Acknowledgement?

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Are you editing your day and filing it away like a checked to do list, or are you stopping to acknowledge your achievements and success?

I am really good at giving feedback. At acknowledging good service, great writing, great insights and the like. At the beginning of this New Year I have been challenged by three independent sources to hear praise and acknowledgement. To be willing to hear and receive more. I do hear it and am always grateful for it, these people meant, “yes but REALLY REALLY hear it!”

So, I am listening and noticing more at the start of 2012. I did a quick reflect yesterday in my inbox, cards and phone and pulled the snippets below. Yes, this really is from the last week! It’s amazing how powerful feedback is when you put it all together and read it.

These are genuine comments lifted from my files. I say this because I do know of some bloggers who frankly- make this stuff up. (I know- You’re shocked to learn this dear reader).

So why am I sharing these gems?

I’m sharing it to encourage you to go and look at what feedback you are getting about your work and your life more generally. To stop and look at the power of your feedback even if just to take a look back at the week.

We skip through life living in the moment or the next moment and rarely stop to take stock and pay attention. I’m suggesting that it’s helpful to-reflect and notice.

Here’s the feedback and something about what I notice when I actively look at the compliments of the last week.

“Marie, thanks for your many special care tips

-       This one dropped into my mailbox just as I started feeling victimized and sorry for myself :-) “

My work makes a difference in people’s lives sometimes when I don’t even know it and don’t DO anything in that moment-Because they pickup the practical inspiration tips from this site.

“I just wanted to say thanks again for the Exploration days last week, I know you are sending us an evaluation and wanted to send this now in any case.  I found the session inspiring and re-energising, perfect at the start of a new year.  You have an amazing ability to balance the business world and personal growth.  I think you pitched the session perfectly giving those new to the ideas an insight and yet there was also great depth to the exercises too.  I was surprised just how quickly you managed to get us all to open up and know what we were really there for (Only at Huna courses have I seen anything even close to as effective)”.

“I haven’t shut up about the course yet and have desperately been trying to get my wife on it. Have been doing my “three a day” with the family every night as well. The course has been a massive boost to be honest. Desperately hoping that the magic doesn’t wear off”.

When people REALLY like what I do they sit down and send me unsolicited feedback. I get quite a lot of this and it’s lovely.

“ I loved your piece on the men you worked with last week. It really made me think how we sometimes deny men their male-ness and wisdom.”

People read my blog and I don’t even know they’re reading it. I like the fact that it makes people THINK- it’s the reason I write it.

“ You are my very precious friend and I love you”

Friends are such an important part of life and I am grateful for them every day. Expressions of LOVE are such a big part of my work and of who I am. Giving and receiving love is really what life is about. 

“Great course, excellent facilitation, I feel so much more confident in my coaching skills after these 2 days. Thanks Marie.”

“Just a quick note to say thanks for everything on the course – for one relatively new to management, it has been genuinely inspirational”.

Enabling people to think differently and see possibility through speaking, teaching and coaching runs through the whole of my career. INSPIRING new managers or managers who need a “revive and refresh” gives me a great feeling. We never forget an inspiring teacher. I like being that.

“ Marie Taylor, you are a genius. “

I like my brain and I’m happy to be considered to be “of extraordinary intellect and talent”(the definition of GENIUS) from time to time.

“My dear, lovely sister, thank you for all of my wonderful birthday celebrations. You are one of the many gifts in my life-always.”

Family are so important to me as we have lost a lot of people too early in their lives in ours. So, marking and acknowledging birthdays is important. Being considered a GIFT- in the family, well, who wouldn’t value that?   

“A brilliant facilitator- we need more of this type of learning intervention- much more. Thank you for helping me to think the thoughts of the really brave. My team will be the better for it and I will be a much better leader too!”

“Looking forward to our adventures this year- so glad to have you to share them with.”

I’ve had many an ADVENTURE in life so far and I do like a good adventure (must be reading all those Enid Blyton books growing up). Generating bravery and a sense of adventure in both thoughts and of the spirit is what I aim to do through my teaching and speaking work. It’s nice that others feel it too.

“Even when you are angry (your version of angry-which in my world is slightly irritated) I still think you are fabulous.”

How FABULOUS  to have people around me who accept me being mrs grumpy of godawfulday from time to time.

 

I am overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed, gracious and grateful.

So- Over to you. What are YOU hearing? What great feedback are you letting skip by you?

What are you doing that really makes you THINK?

What and who do you LOVE?

Where is your inspiration and who do you INSPIRE?

How are you using your gifts of your GENIUS brain?

What and where is your next FABULOUS ADVENTURE?

Have a listening and really really hearing it all kinda week.

Marie x

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The magic of ordinary thinking men

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I spent 24 hours exploring getting happy with 6 men of Wales last week. Before you create some strange image from the recesses of your imagination, it was purely professional.

I deliver a “send me your best and stressed ” explorations experience in organisations. A kind of self reflection experience which addreses some “what” and “how” questions . Things like; where am I , what do I value, who am I becoming, what do I want, how might I get there, how can I shift my state in ten minutes, how do I remain happy, how do I remember that life is good(great even).

Ultimately, how do I remind myself to live this one wonderful life well in all areas be that career, health, wealth ,relationships or simply within myself and with the world ? How do I maximise the experience of being me and of being around me?

We get through a lot in 24 Hours. A lot of stopping, reflecting, checking in, planning, and the ultimate luxury these days for senior managers …..We spend time THINKING

There’s a lot of power in thinking. Particularly for senior managers. Having some time and opportunity to stop, kick back a bit and do some exploration in a safe and supportive environment is in my world a necessity for living a focused and fruitful existence. If I was the minister for Health I would prescribe a 24 hour annual stop and explore experience for the top 100 managers in every organisation. To stop and think .To take responsibility for what is going on around you and in the roles you play in life.I’ve been coaching and training personal development for enough years to know from clients how beneficial they have found it to take the time to stop and pause between the everyday doing and delivering. Frankly, it refocuses our sense of control and personal responsibility and that inevitably reminds us how powerful we are and reduces stress.

I really enjoyed working with the men from Wales. They’re all in positions of influence. As such, they are wise teachers, who influence the lives of others both professionally and personally.

Sometimes I wonder if we celebrate the qualities and contribution of men enough. I wonder if we realise the responsibility that men feel as partners, husbands, fathers, sons, carers, providers, workers, managers, entrepreneurs and citizens ? If we take enough time to acknowledge their experience in a changing world. I don’t have the answer. It’s just a question that I pose and ponder from time to time.

I love how Nic Askew captures the powerful and positive influence of men through his many films. His film this morning highlights the quiet strength of male role models simply and powerfully and you can view it here .
It reminds us that everyday spirituality is just that- everyday.We are spiritual beings walking in a world of doing , gathering and having. We walk with the teachers in our lives and so often, we are the teachers of the living whether we walk with themor have left this life. Here’s to all the men of Wales and elsewhere this week who are learning how to live from that place of thoughtful, quiet strength.

Ask yourself. What roles do I hold in my life and who am I influencing in those roles? How am I being a great teacher ?

Have a great week.

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Digging through our Roots and Planting new Trees in New Landscapes

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“There exists a different state of mind beyond our cultural conditioning and programmed assumptions”.

 This quote is from Buddha’s four noble truths. It originates from the 6th century BC when cultural conditioning was different and yet was, it seems, as rooted in our thinking as a frame of everyday unconscious reference as it is today. People viewed their current experience and thoughts through the lens of their historical understanding and experience.

 We don’t know what we don’t yet know. We live most of our lives taking our assumptions as the basis of our understanding and living out our experience through the limits of our repeating patterns. We learn these repeating patterns from our own child and adult experiences and those of the people around us. Their stories, rituals, mythology and experience of the world has influenced not just our experience, but our thinking about that experience.

 This means that sometimes we do things, think things, say things and interpret things out of habit. We assume that we know how a situation will play out, what others think, what they will likely say in response to us, and how others in our life will respond in a given set of circumstances. We don’t. We are assuming these things based on our past experience or more likely, the experience we remember which may not be accurate.

 If we get rid of our assumptions and just come to situations with an open mind and a sense of possibility. From a calm, accepting place of whatever happens and whatever comes is fine. From within that space, go create some new stories.

 “There is a path to this different state of mind, whereby we let go of an old identity, and realise our own perfect nature.“

 So, check where things are not going well for you at the moment and ask yourself, what am I assuming here?

How are my old learned patterns showing up?

If these are not useful to me, what will I choose instead for the future?

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Silence, observer sports and a golden ticket

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The path of least resistance is silence.
 
The path of least resistance is always silence. If we don’t express our feelings and thoughts to others we don’t have to deal with their reactions to them. We don’t have to deal with anything in fact. If we choose not to express thoughts but dismiss them. If we consider them merely a constructed reality that don’t impact us if we don’t let them in. If we just accept them as, well, thoughts. As thoughts  that are not worth thinking. It makes life a great observer sport.
 
We don’t have to do, say, or feel anything. We just need to be with our evolving consciousness somewhere in a cave on a mountain observing. We may be observing to the point of not even noticing, what is going on all around us.
 
We don’t need to feel anything. If we don’t feel anything, particularly vulnerability, we don’t risk rejection. In fact, we could live in a bubble and feel absolutely nothing at all if we choose. We could simply take the view that everything is perfect as it is. That the world was ticking along as it ought. Presumably, this would mean that poverty, hunger and violence are just projections created by our thoughts. As they’re not real, we don’t need to concern ourselves with them. Right?
 
As Brendon Burchard says: the path of least resistance leads exactly where that park ride in his book leads to. Carts looping the loop.
Are you looping in this thought dismissing dimension?  If this post makes you think, great.

If it doesn’t- it’may already be too late.
 
www.lifesgoldenticket.com

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Running and Ruminating on the Basement Steps of Suffering

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Are you making it all too difficult by ruminating with the room mate in your head?
 
 “The primary cause of our suffering is not our experience, but our response to our experience; what we think about it.“ Buddha. 6th century BC.
 
Stuff happens and I think if the Buddha was looking at our lives today he would suggest we stop thinking about the negative. That we might change the locus of our or focus away from sense making that upsets us or causes disharmony in the head. We choose how we respond to life situations be they problematic or not.
 
Part of that choice is in how we think about what has happened, is happening or may happen. The way we think about and interpret that experience is what affects us most rather than the experience itself.
 
So, if I audition for a role in a play and I don’t get it. I can choose to feel rejected by the experience, can see it as a learning opportunity for next time or can make decisions about whether I want to go to any other auditions.
 
If I focus on the rejection, the mere use of that word or words like rejected, dejected and affected may cause a reaction, may move my focus to not feeling good enough. It may encourage me to feel “less than”, may encourage me to consider myself as a failure, may leave me feeling like a victim. It may encourage me to consider that I have a stamp on my head saying “reject” and every time I go for a part I will likely get the same rejection response because it’s so obvious that I am not good enough. After all, the marking on my forehead is there for all to see is it not? Do you feel sorry for poor me yet?  Have I suffered enough do you think?
 
Let me illustrate……If I focus instead on the fact that I live in a city of possibility where there are hundreds of plays staged every week. If I focus on the fact that I have secured parts in plays before, that I love the auditions and the experience of going to different theatres and meeting other actors. If I see not getting a part as a blessing, because I get to go and explore what else may be out there, my life moves on and I am the one saying “next!” Would you see me as someone who suffers or someone who has had more positive experiences in life than the average actor?
 
Same circumstances, different focus. Same experience, different  thinking.
 
It’s just a choice and we are only ever one interpretation of our circumstances away from delight or towards it.
 
Marie x

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The wheel of tortuous thinking

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lighteningAre you torturing yourself in your head?
 
“All our desires, disappointments, negativity and fear, are a torture chamber of our own cognitive creation”
 
This quote is from Buddha’s four noble truths. It originates from the 6th century BC, so, I think it safe to say that it falls in the category of ancient wisdom.
 
To my fallible mind this tells us that anything unhelpful is our own head creation. We desire the undesirable and seemingly unattainable in an attempt to create our own self-fulfilling prophecy of torment. We make appointments with the “dissing” of ourselves and others by gossiping and engaging in negative self talk. We see the negative and sit in the state of victim moving in a downward spiral like Alice in Wonderland falling down the rabbit hole. Then, just when we consider that there is a possibility of experiencing things differently, we go find the fear and stick it in our heads anyway.
 
We create the thinking that torments us. Sometimes we can do this to the extent that it sits with us like a familiar foe. We may even fool ourselves into thinking that this thinking is our friend. It can look like a friend because it becomes familiar. The more we think about it, the hamster wheel of thinking keeps racing.  Before we know it, we have created and collected other negative thoughts. The hamster wheel of negative thinking is so full it becomes heavier and heavier as we travel faster and faster running with this pile of similar thought types hitting us like mind lashing, head clashing pains in the proverbial.  
 
We created it, we fed it, we ran with it, we made it our cognitive credo. The good news is, we can just learn to stop the wheel of tortuous thinking. It starts with noticing, and from that place, slowing down the head and experiencing the absence of thinking. Experiencing a space for great thoughts to come in as invited guests who we will nuture, love, feed and sustain.
 
It’s all a choice. It’s your choice.

What choices are you making about thinking that are making your head spin and spiral ?
 
Marie x

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