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How good are you at receiving Acknowledgement?

on January 25, 2012 · Be the first to comment...

Are you editing your day and filing it away like a checked to do list, or are you stopping to acknowledge your achievements and success?

I am really good at giving feedback. At acknowledging good service, great writing, great insights and the like. At the beginning of this New Year I have been challenged by three independent sources to hear praise and acknowledgement. To be willing to hear and receive more. I do hear it and am always grateful for it, these people meant, “yes but REALLY REALLY hear it!”

So, I am listening and noticing more at the start of 2012. I did a quick reflect yesterday in my inbox, cards and phone and pulled the snippets below. Yes, this really is from the last week! It’s amazing how powerful feedback is when you put it all together and read it.

These are genuine comments lifted from my files. I say this because I do know of some bloggers who frankly- make this stuff up. (I know- You’re shocked to learn this dear reader).

So why am I sharing these gems?

I’m sharing it to encourage you to go and look at what feedback you are getting about your work and your life more generally. To stop and look at the power of your feedback even if just to take a look back at the week.

We skip through life living in the moment or the next moment and rarely stop to take stock and pay attention. I’m suggesting that it’s helpful to-reflect and notice.

Here’s the feedback and something about what I notice when I actively look at the compliments of the last week.

“Marie, thanks for your many special care tips

-       This one dropped into my mailbox just as I started feeling victimized and sorry for myself :-) “

My work makes a difference in people’s lives sometimes when I don’t even know it and don’t DO anything in that moment-Because they pickup the practical inspiration tips from this site.

“I just wanted to say thanks again for the Exploration days last week, I know you are sending us an evaluation and wanted to send this now in any case.  I found the session inspiring and re-energising, perfect at the start of a new year.  You have an amazing ability to balance the business world and personal growth.  I think you pitched the session perfectly giving those new to the ideas an insight and yet there was also great depth to the exercises too.  I was surprised just how quickly you managed to get us all to open up and know what we were really there for (Only at Huna courses have I seen anything even close to as effective)”.

“I haven’t shut up about the course yet and have desperately been trying to get my wife on it. Have been doing my “three a day” with the family every night as well. The course has been a massive boost to be honest. Desperately hoping that the magic doesn’t wear off”.

When people REALLY like what I do they sit down and send me unsolicited feedback. I get quite a lot of this and it’s lovely.

“ I loved your piece on the men you worked with last week. It really made me think how we sometimes deny men their male-ness and wisdom.”

People read my blog and I don’t even know they’re reading it. I like the fact that it makes people THINK- it’s the reason I write it.

“ You are my very precious friend and I love you”

Friends are such an important part of life and I am grateful for them every day. Expressions of LOVE are such a big part of my work and of who I am. Giving and receiving love is really what life is about. 

“Great course, excellent facilitation, I feel so much more confident in my coaching skills after these 2 days. Thanks Marie.”

“Just a quick note to say thanks for everything on the course – for one relatively new to management, it has been genuinely inspirational”.

Enabling people to think differently and see possibility through speaking, teaching and coaching runs through the whole of my career. INSPIRING new managers or managers who need a “revive and refresh” gives me a great feeling. We never forget an inspiring teacher. I like being that.

“ Marie Taylor, you are a genius. “

I like my brain and I’m happy to be considered to be “of extraordinary intellect and talent”(the definition of GENIUS) from time to time.

“My dear, lovely sister, thank you for all of my wonderful birthday celebrations. You are one of the many gifts in my life-always.”

Family are so important to me as we have lost a lot of people too early in their lives in ours. So, marking and acknowledging birthdays is important. Being considered a GIFT- in the family, well, who wouldn’t value that?   

“A brilliant facilitator- we need more of this type of learning intervention- much more. Thank you for helping me to think the thoughts of the really brave. My team will be the better for it and I will be a much better leader too!”

“Looking forward to our adventures this year- so glad to have you to share them with.”

I’ve had many an ADVENTURE in life so far and I do like a good adventure (must be reading all those Enid Blyton books growing up). Generating bravery and a sense of adventure in both thoughts and of the spirit is what I aim to do through my teaching and speaking work. It’s nice that others feel it too.

“Even when you are angry (your version of angry-which in my world is slightly irritated) I still think you are fabulous.”

How FABULOUS  to have people around me who accept me being mrs grumpy of godawfulday from time to time.

 

I am overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed, gracious and grateful.

So- Over to you. What are YOU hearing? What great feedback are you letting skip by you?

What are you doing that really makes you THINK?

What and who do you LOVE?

Where is your inspiration and who do you INSPIRE?

How are you using your gifts of your GENIUS brain?

What and where is your next FABULOUS ADVENTURE?

Have a listening and really really hearing it all kinda week.

Marie x

Categories: Life Insights, Success Wisdom

The magic of ordinary thinking men

on January 16, 2012 · Be the first to comment...

I spent 24 hours exploring getting happy with 6 men of Wales last week. Before you create some strange image from the recesses of your imagination, it was purely professional.

I deliver a “send me your best and stressed ” explorations experience in organisations. A kind of self reflection experience which addreses some “what” and “how” questions . Things like; where am I , what do I value, who am I becoming, what do I want, how might I get there, how can I shift my state in ten minutes, how do I remain happy, how do I remember that life is good(great even).

Ultimately, how do I remind myself to live this one wonderful life well in all areas be that career, health, wealth ,relationships or simply within myself and with the world ? How do I maximise the experience of being me and of being around me?

We get through a lot in 24 Hours. A lot of stopping, reflecting, checking in, planning, and the ultimate luxury these days for senior managers …..We spend time THINKING

There’s a lot of power in thinking. Particularly for senior managers. Having some time and opportunity to stop, kick back a bit and do some exploration in a safe and supportive environment is in my world a necessity for living a focused and fruitful existence. If I was the minister for Health I would prescribe a 24 hour annual stop and explore experience for the top 100 managers in every organisation. To stop and think .To take responsibility for what is going on around you and in the roles you play in life.I’ve been coaching and training personal development for enough years to know from clients how beneficial they have found it to take the time to stop and pause between the everyday doing and delivering. Frankly, it refocuses our sense of control and personal responsibility and that inevitably reminds us how powerful we are and reduces stress.

I really enjoyed working with the men from Wales. They’re all in positions of influence. As such, they are wise teachers, who influence the lives of others both professionally and personally.

Sometimes I wonder if we celebrate the qualities and contribution of men enough. I wonder if we realise the responsibility that men feel as partners, husbands, fathers, sons, carers, providers, workers, managers, entrepreneurs and citizens ? If we take enough time to acknowledge their experience in a changing world. I don’t have the answer. It’s just a question that I pose and ponder from time to time.

I love how Nic Askew captures the powerful and positive influence of men through his many films. His film this morning highlights the quiet strength of male role models simply and powerfully and you can view it here .
It reminds us that everyday spirituality is just that- everyday.We are spiritual beings walking in a world of doing , gathering and having. We walk with the teachers in our lives and so often, we are the teachers of the living whether we walk with themor have left this life. Here’s to all the men of Wales and elsewhere this week who are learning how to live from that place of thoughtful, quiet strength.

Ask yourself. What roles do I hold in my life and who am I influencing in those roles? How am I being a great teacher ?

Have a great week.

Categories: Success Wisdom

Digging through our Roots and Planting new Trees in New Landscapes

on November 25, 2011 · Be the first to comment...

 

“There exists a different state of mind beyond our cultural conditioning and programmed assumptions”.

 This quote is from Buddha’s four noble truths. It originates from the 6th century BC when cultural conditioning was different and yet was, it seems, as rooted in our thinking as a frame of everyday unconscious reference as it is today. People viewed their current experience and thoughts through the lens of their historical understanding and experience.

 We don’t know what we don’t yet know. We live most of our lives taking our assumptions as the basis of our understanding and living out our experience through the limits of our repeating patterns. We learn these repeating patterns from our own child and adult experiences and those of the people around us. Their stories, rituals, mythology and experience of the world has influenced not just our experience, but our thinking about that experience.

 This means that sometimes we do things, think things, say things and interpret things out of habit. We assume that we know how a situation will play out, what others think, what they will likely say in response to us, and how others in our life will respond in a given set of circumstances. We don’t. We are assuming these things based on our past experience or more likely, the experience we remember which may not be accurate.

 If we get rid of our assumptions and just come to situations with an open mind and a sense of possibility. From a calm, accepting place of whatever happens and whatever comes is fine. From within that space, go create some new stories.

 “There is a path to this different state of mind, whereby we let go of an old identity, and realise our own perfect nature.“

 So, check where things are not going well for you at the moment and ask yourself, what am I assuming here?

How are my old learned patterns showing up?

If these are not useful to me, what will I choose instead for the future?

Categories: Life Insights, Success Wisdom

Silence, observer sports and a golden ticket

on November 23, 2011 · Be the first to comment...

The path of least resistance is silence.
 
The path of least resistance is always silence. If we don’t express our feelings and thoughts to others we don’t have to deal with their reactions to them. We don’t have to deal with anything in fact. If we choose not to express thoughts but dismiss them. If we consider them merely a constructed reality that don’t impact us if we don’t let them in. If we just accept them as, well, thoughts. As thoughts  that are not worth thinking. It makes life a great observer sport.
 
We don’t have to do, say, or feel anything. We just need to be with our evolving consciousness somewhere in a cave on a mountain observing. We may be observing to the point of not even noticing, what is going on all around us.
 
We don’t need to feel anything. If we don’t feel anything, particularly vulnerability, we don’t risk rejection. In fact, we could live in a bubble and feel absolutely nothing at all if we choose. We could simply take the view that everything is perfect as it is. That the world was ticking along as it ought. Presumably, this would mean that poverty, hunger and violence are just projections created by our thoughts. As they’re not real, we don’t need to concern ourselves with them. Right?
 
As Brendon Burchard says: the path of least resistance leads exactly where that park ride in his book leads to. Carts looping the loop.
Are you looping in this thought dismissing dimension?  If this post makes you think, great.

If it doesn’t- it’may already be too late.
 
www.lifesgoldenticket.com

Categories: Life Insights, Success Wisdom

Running and Ruminating on the Basement Steps of Suffering

on November 21, 2011 · Be the first to comment...

 
Are you making it all too difficult by ruminating with the room mate in your head?
 
 “The primary cause of our suffering is not our experience, but our response to our experience; what we think about it.“ Buddha. 6th century BC.
 
Stuff happens and I think if the Buddha was looking at our lives today he would suggest we stop thinking about the negative. That we might change the locus of our or focus away from sense making that upsets us or causes disharmony in the head. We choose how we respond to life situations be they problematic or not.
 
Part of that choice is in how we think about what has happened, is happening or may happen. The way we think about and interpret that experience is what affects us most rather than the experience itself.
 
So, if I audition for a role in a play and I don’t get it. I can choose to feel rejected by the experience, can see it as a learning opportunity for next time or can make decisions about whether I want to go to any other auditions.
 
If I focus on the rejection, the mere use of that word or words like rejected, dejected and affected may cause a reaction, may move my focus to not feeling good enough. It may encourage me to feel “less than”, may encourage me to consider myself as a failure, may leave me feeling like a victim. It may encourage me to consider that I have a stamp on my head saying “reject” and every time I go for a part I will likely get the same rejection response because it’s so obvious that I am not good enough. After all, the marking on my forehead is there for all to see is it not? Do you feel sorry for poor me yet?  Have I suffered enough do you think?
 
Let me illustrate……If I focus instead on the fact that I live in a city of possibility where there are hundreds of plays staged every week. If I focus on the fact that I have secured parts in plays before, that I love the auditions and the experience of going to different theatres and meeting other actors. If I see not getting a part as a blessing, because I get to go and explore what else may be out there, my life moves on and I am the one saying “next!” Would you see me as someone who suffers or someone who has had more positive experiences in life than the average actor?
 
Same circumstances, different focus. Same experience, different  thinking.
 
It’s just a choice and we are only ever one interpretation of our circumstances away from delight or towards it.
 
Marie x

Categories: Life Insights, Success Wisdom

The wheel of tortuous thinking

on November 18, 2011 · 2 Comments

lighteningAre you torturing yourself in your head?
 
“All our desires, disappointments, negativity and fear, are a torture chamber of our own cognitive creation”
 
This quote is from Buddha’s four noble truths. It originates from the 6th century BC, so, I think it safe to say that it falls in the category of ancient wisdom.
 
To my fallible mind this tells us that anything unhelpful is our own head creation. We desire the undesirable and seemingly unattainable in an attempt to create our own self-fulfilling prophecy of torment. We make appointments with the “dissing” of ourselves and others by gossiping and engaging in negative self talk. We see the negative and sit in the state of victim moving in a downward spiral like Alice in Wonderland falling down the rabbit hole. Then, just when we consider that there is a possibility of experiencing things differently, we go find the fear and stick it in our heads anyway.
 
We create the thinking that torments us. Sometimes we can do this to the extent that it sits with us like a familiar foe. We may even fool ourselves into thinking that this thinking is our friend. It can look like a friend because it becomes familiar. The more we think about it, the hamster wheel of thinking keeps racing.  Before we know it, we have created and collected other negative thoughts. The hamster wheel of negative thinking is so full it becomes heavier and heavier as we travel faster and faster running with this pile of similar thought types hitting us like mind lashing, head clashing pains in the proverbial.  
 
We created it, we fed it, we ran with it, we made it our cognitive credo. The good news is, we can just learn to stop the wheel of tortuous thinking. It starts with noticing, and from that place, slowing down the head and experiencing the absence of thinking. Experiencing a space for great thoughts to come in as invited guests who we will nuture, love, feed and sustain.
 
It’s all a choice. It’s your choice.

What choices are you making about thinking that are making your head spin and spiral ?
 
Marie x

Categories: Life Insights, Success Wisdom

Rogue Trading – Careers built on gambling

on September 16, 2011 · Be the first to comment...

There’s a reason why the gaming industry often has contractual terms preventing their staff from holding an account or betting in their own shops. When people work in betting shops, online gambling and tracks , frankly the temptation to bet on anything and everything that pops onto your radar during a working day is too great. So, generally,they go and have a flutter in the betting shop down the road at lunchtime instead. Most of the time, they can’t help it you see.

They love taking risks. They thrive on the thrill of the potential win. The idea of losing pops up of course, but it soon pops off as the unconscious mind tells itself. “It’s only a tenner” , then “it’s only a twenty”. Then there are those who know what they’re doing but can’t stop because they’ve got themselves into so much hot water that they feel they have to keep going because the next bet will get them back on track (excuse the pun).

The Banking industry is not very different. It’s a risk and reward business.   In the gambling industry people setting the odds really know their sport, their news, the probability of anything in fact. The odds reflect the likelihood of an event happening and this changes as events unfold. The value of the odds on offer reflect that. Profit is made by assessing risk and reward in favour of the gambling organisation.

In the banking world, traders effectively influence prices by trading. They are recruited based on their ability to asses risk and reward really fast and well. They aim to buy low and sell high and in making trades daily they influence the market. Specialist traders really do their research. They know their markets and the products they trade in. They understand how currency fluctuations can affect stock minute by second. It goes wrong when they lose their wining streak. When they’ve made a mistake in the likely balance of risk-reward. When, they’ve taken a gamble with the firm’s money. When this happens, the temptation is to find a missing tenner or a twenty ( normally with a few noughts on the end)  The trading world is unforgiving. It has to be, because they’re playing with other people’s money. If you lose your mojo well you will quickly find your no longer drinking mojitos and eating caviar canapes. You’ll be down the dog and duck nursing half a lager with a packet of salted nuts. (no pun intended)

I’ve coached and consulted in both of these sectors, so before you start writing comments about how it’s not really like that, this is a naive representation of how the world works in these areas and the like, read it again. I’ve taken the explanation down to the simplest level deliberately.

Many people in both of these sectors are good at what they do most of the time BECAUSE they’re good at taking risks and they like to see the rewards from those risks in their salary and bonus. If you were the VP in a gambling or banking organisation you would really want these people on your team. You would actively look for the risk-reward psychology.

There is a single but important difference between these two areas of activity. Gambling in the UK is regulated to the hilt both for consumers and for the way the organisations handle their activity in real time. If they get the odds wrong and there’s a run on the betting receipts, the company pays out and investors make a loss. On the other hand, if a UK based bank runs out of money, its investors make a loss and the taxpayer pays up too. Time for a bit of banking reform to separate out retail and investment banking anyone ?

Yes Kweku Adeboli has done a terrible thing.  However, he has gained some sympathy in my book by owning up to his own actions. To me, that’s worth a lot.Being willing to take responsibility for his actions knowing the consequences of owning up holds a modicum of integrity for me.

The sooner we realise that some careers are based on gambling and stop being shocked when a risk taker takes a risk too far and tries to cover it up, the easier it will be to regulate trading.

We need to wake up and grow up.

Marie x

 

Categories: Life Insights, People & Organisations, Success Wisdom

Welsh miners- Some careers are dangerous these days

on September 16, 2011 · Be the first to comment...

I’ve been keeping in touch with the tragedy unfolding in South Wales where three of the four miners have now been reported deceased. An absolute  tragedy for their families and for the community. Mining areas are strong communities and whatever the outcome of all of this, the people will , with support get through it.

I am struck by how we forget so easily that what seem like ordinary jobs are dangerous jobs. When I was growing up in Yorkshire we had lots of mining communities in the county and my uncle was a miner.It’s a  dangerous and sometimes frightening role requiring lots of skill to work several feet underground.It’s dark and wet and there’s a risk of the walls collapsing around you. We used to know it was dangerous, because from time to time there would be a death and it would be reported on the news. I know the legacy that being a miner can have ; my uncle has a myriad of chest complaints and will not go out in the dark. The dark is too reminiscent of being trapped.

Nowadays we don’t hear much about miners and mining. I expect your average 10 year old has no idea what a mine looks like or the dangers of working in one. Wherever there are people doing dangerous jobs , there are often other dangerous jobs to be done around them. So for the last 20 hours or so there have been divers, fire officers and cave rescue workers in South Wales looking to find the four who have been missing. Hero workers who do great work and who,  in my experience, are always hopeful of a miracle. Let’s hope we get one in the next few hours.

Marie x

 

Categories: Success Wisdom

Embrace your Inner Geek

on July 22, 2011 · Be the first to comment...

I had a moment of enlightenment when I was mentoring at my old Alma mater in Cambridge a couple of weeks ago. I realised I am a geek. Keep reading-This is an unusually self promoting, self interested post from me….. Keep reading..

I’m not a technical geek but a mind geek……”How do you  know?” I hear you ask and “Where’s your evidence smart butt?”

Well, truth is, I  make sense of information and ideas really fast. (I apparently have an unusually  high verbal reasoning ability). I think and process ideas and thoughts so quickly sometimes I forget I even had the thought at all. My head often sorts things like Harry Potter’s sorting hat with a turbo engine.I literally sort information through a filter that says “useful-keep it, not useful-get rid of it”. I do this in a nanosecond sometimes. When I am working with teams, I will distill something  and reflect it back so fast sometimes that they think I have had access to some internal document beforehand when I haven’t. ( I like to keep them on their toes otherwise what’s the point of being there?)

My entry GMAT ( the reasoning tests you take for the MBA) score for verbal reasoning was off scale apparentl. Particularly  for someone who had never seen a practice paper or been to the 6-week course on passing the exam.( How and why on earth do thousands of people do that? You either can do reasoning or you can’t-right? I know you can improve your score on  a psychometric,  but honestly- why? If you have to cram for an exam then life will be difficult on the masters will it not?)

Don’t ask about my numerical reasoning- it doesn’t add up for someone who studied at Cambridge University. Great at mental maths but ask me to reason with mathematical formulae or mathematical sequence and you might as well be speaking Ancient Greek to this Geek.

 I don’t know about you, but I love being around people with disproportionately genius brains . I love the energy, the ideas, the passion and the sometimes the ridiculousness of the thoughts and beliefs that come out of the head of a logical brain box. I like coaching geeks for that reason too. I’ve seen more than one techno geek look at me like I am Medusa and make a sort of scooby doo sound when they think beyond their logical heads and discover their beliefs of limitation about themselves. Rather like Edison discovering he could actually make a  light bulb and it would in fact, glow in the dark.

I once coached a 28 year old guy who had had just one girlfriend and lacked confidence because he was geeky and believed all geeks were ugly. He looked like Matt Damon. Who knew? He didn’t ! He didn’t even know who Matt Damon was! He had spent most of his adult life in a library or a lab and felt women didn’t like him because more often than not the girls looked away when he looked at them. Doh! Girls all around the LSE must have been hanging out waiting for him to notice them and blushing in corners. I’m pleased to report he is happily ensconced with a woman who is a delightful geek too.They have even produced a little geekette.  

I really enjoy listening to people who talk about things I know nothing about.I enjoy asking really obvious questions that get them thinking about how to explain their ideas in words that the average mortal like me can understand. (Black holes, Astrophysics, quantum theory, volcano logy, semiconductors, chips, cell lines and the like). I like geek talk.

 In embracing my inner geek, I did what any right thinking,  woo woo  geek would do, checked the definitions. I fit most of the definitions for Geek such as..

 A person obsessed with intellectual pursuits for their own sake. I am. I can get obsessed by an idea, a piece of art or a book. I will debate an idea with someone for no reason at all except to have the discussion and really enjoy it if the discussion interests me enough. Intellectual tennis without purpose-yes I understand that.   

A person who is interested in technology (IT and new media). I am. Even if I don’t understand it, I want to keep up with understanding what technology can do and what lies ahead of us.I mentor a group of tech geeks every year for a week at Cambridge, in part so that I can keep up with what might emerge in the world in 1-5 years time.

 A person who relates academic subjects to the real world outside of academic studies. I like academic research that is applicable in the real world in which people operate.I don’t understand academics who don’t care if their work is appreciated or not outside of the confines of academia- I just don’t get it.Why bother if it  useful?

A person who has chosen concentration rather than conformity; one who passionately pursues skill (especially technical skill) and imagination, not mainstream social acceptance. Interesting one as I tend to think that I am quite conventional and mainstream but apparently not according to friends-I‘m down right quirky and pleasantly weird.I do passionately pursue aspects of understanding people and consciousness. I do this in an episodic manner rather than consistently.I’m not overly worried about social acceptance of my ideas and imagination.

A person with a devotion to something in a way that places him or her outside the mainstream. I am devoted to understanding how we create things for ourselves and how we can follow inner wisdom for our better good.I sense things and pick up energies . I am committed to a life of inner wisdom and consciousness and I guess in the eyes of many, that places me outside the mainstream.

 So, where has my inner geek been hiding?

If I was looking for someone to blame for encouraging me to hide my inner geek it would be my dear teachers Mr. Fisher and Sister Paul who at school aged 10/11 used to tell me not to look “too” clever as it might make me unpopular. They also told me to lie when we did the practice exam for the 11 plus . I had been off of school for 5 weeks beforehand and hadn’t completed the practice papers. Mum was in a panic, dad was pretending not to notice just in case I didn’t get into grammar school.He was already practicing the “oh it doesn’t matter as long as you are happy” speech when the envelope dropped onto the doormat. 

So, in the week before the exam, I stayed behind after school for half an hour each night to do a paper under exam conditions. After the second practice paper I was off and flying and Sister Paul told me not to tell the other children because “some of them had been working very hard and still will not pass, so don’t say anything.”  I had been working hard too all year except for those 5 weeks ! Interesting how sometimes if you are bright , you are encouraged to hide it .People confuse being clever intellectually with being “clever” in an arrogant way I think. Some of you reading this are by now, thinking “wow she is sooo arrogant- aren’t you?Be honest with yourself That IS the thought running through your head isn’t it?  ( No  need to be honest with me- I’m a geek and I don’t care).

 So, I have decided that having resisted it for many years, I am embracing my inner geek. I will love and nuture the geek and will not hide it anymore under the invisibility cloak of mediocre thinking . Incidentally, I don’t really blame my teachers –that would be waste of time wouldn’t it. Blame is always an excuse to be lame in my book.

 There’s lots of  I, I, I in this posting isn’t there? Ooh yes that’ll be because it’s all about me me me (This time anyway:)

 So come on- what are you hiding what is your I I I me me me  ???

 Are you a secret geek too?

 Marie the Geek  xxxxx

 

Categories: Success Wisdom

Are you surrounded by love?

on July 20, 2011 · Be the first to comment...

 I’ve been thinking about love a lot lately. About how we express it and experience it.

As a young child, I don’t recall ever feeling that I wasn’t loved.

I thought I was adopted once and searched avidly for my true birth certificate because there was no way, on that particular day that I could possibly belong to my family. On another occasion, I ran away with my little vanity case (with matching umbrella) age 5 after a disagreement with my teenage sister about a board game. I had lost and she normally would have just allowed me to win. I sat in the wardrobe for at whole 20 minutes (timed precisely on my plastic watch) before I emerged and stomped downstairs declaring that I had been missing, had packed a bag and left home. That clearly “no one cared as no –one had even called the police or came looking for me or anything!” My mother, as quick as a flash scooped me up and said “ oh I am so sorry lovey, we thought you were in the wardrobe sulking about the game. If we had known you had left home, we would have had the whole street, the police, the army, the air force and the queen’s guard out looking until we found you. Thank goodness you are safe and decided to come back to us. We love you too much to let you go a wandering with your vanity. Would you like a chocolate biscuit love?”

Now, my family weren’t big on saying the words “I love you” and yet, we always knew we loved each other. I knew that I was much loved because of how my parents and other family members behaved towards each other . It was in the actions. In the demonstrations of love. that I learned to recognise love.

I grew up in Yorkshire, where ”love” was used to describe everyone all of the time , “yes love”, ” when is the next bus love?”, “ how are you love?” , “do you want to get your homework done love?”, “ have you got the time love?” The use of “love” was an expression at the level of identity (you are love).

So, I grew up believing “I am love. My name is Marie and I am love”.

These days I say it more explicitly to family members and friends. I haven’t lived in Yorkshire for years so the language habit has gone. Frankly, if I were to say “yes love” and “hello love” in London there are many who would think I had changed my profession and now worked nights in darkened doorways. And, in part, I make a point of telling them,  because……. I just do.

So…………..how about you and yours?

Have you told them lately that you love them?

 If you need a little encouragement, this lovely James taylor song will help -just click the link  Shower them with love

Marie x

 

Categories: Life Insights, Success Wisdom