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Do your Relationships Add up?

on February 16, 2011 · Be the first to comment...

This resonated with me this morning having spent yesterday afternoon with a very scarce client who sees everyone in the world of quantity surveying as competition so he doesn’t connect with them.  He’s a self employed QS who didn’t do well last year and lost a business – he can’t see that he ran out of cash because he was being scarce about getting in new clients ahead of other QS’s rather than chasing bills.

Yesterday I sent out an invite to a coach who I’ve met to connect on LinkedIn.  She sent me a long email about how she doesn’t connect with anyone she doesn’t know and a diatribe about her business and her book, which I already know and it’s why I was proposing to send the referrals to her.  She asked if I could  remind her where we met.  I was offering to pass referrals for a specialist type of coaching to her because I don’t do that anymore and I have met her in person twice.  Doh.

When I got this e mail from Steve Chandler this morning I realised that I was left feeling both of these people are living in distraction and subtraction at the moment . Me, I’ve always liked addition.

I co-wrote a book with Duane Black called “The Hands-Off Manager”.  Duane is an inspiration.

He taught me to think of life as a mathematical equation.

I first saw the fun and benefit of this when I solved the equation of life on two flip charts in front of a grateful gathering of managers.

Here it is:  When you are positive, (picturing the math sign: +) you add something to any conversation or meeting you are in.  That’s what being positive does, it adds.

When you are negative (-) you subtract (-) something from the conversation, the meeting, or the relationship you are in. (If you are negative enough times, you subtract so much from the relationship that there is no more relationship.  It’s simple math.  It’s the law of the universe up there on the flip chart of life: positive adds, negative subtracts.)

When you are a positive person with positive thoughts about the future, you add something to every person you talk to.  You bring something of value to every communication.  Even every email and voicemail (that’s positive) adds something to the life of the person who receives it.  Because positive (+)  always adds something. It’s a definite plus. It even runs even deeper than that.  If you think positive thoughts throughout the day, you are adding (+) to your own deep inner experience of living.  You are bringing a plus (+) to your own spirit and energy with each positive thought.

Your negative thoughts take away (-) from the experience of being alive.  They rob you of your energy. Challenge them.

Say this to yourself: “I, myself, like this math.  I like its simplicity.  I can now do this math throughout my day.  When I am experiencing negative thoughts about my team or my to-do list, I know it’s time to take a break and regroup and refresh.  It’s time to call a time-out, close my eyes and relax into my purpose and my mission.  It’s time to slow down and breathe into it.  I take a lot of quick breaks like that during the day, and this practice is changing my life for the better. It is making me stronger and more energetic than ever before.”

Your own strength and energy motivates others.

Categories: Life Insights, Success Wisdom

Finding Space in a World Full of Doodads

on February 4, 2011 · Be the first to comment...

This year I committed to de-cluttering something every week.

In the last 2 weeks I have been doing my de-cluttering by not asking “do I need this?” but instead “what is my Return on holding onto this? – Do I use it and get a return on it at all either as a useful item or a pleasure”.  If I can’t identify an ROI it goes in the charity bag irrespective of what it cost me.

This is because it’s taking up space in my space and in taking up that space it’s creating not-space. Every doodad, book, shoe etc has a “dust collection value” and every time we say- “oh I can’t throw that it cost me xyz “-all we’re adding is – dust. Then the cleaner has to clean it, and the space has to store it and we have less and less space – and so it goes on.

I went to Sedona last month and will be going again as I found it an energetic boost both physically and mentally. I have been working with my own coach on capturing and re-creating Sedona moments since I came back to London using visualisation and meditation.

I like space, I like expansion – expansive thought, expansive feelings, expansive ways of being and that is what I want to recapture on a regular basis.

So – are you creating expanse or expense? Are you expanding or expending? Exhaling or expiring? Think on – Ask yourself: where and how is my space?

Marie x

Categories: Life Insights, Success Wisdom

Everything Happens for a Reason

on January 22, 2011 · Be the first to comment...

I came across this via Derek Silvers and I really like it because…

I believe that we produce our own future and fortune and everything happens for a reason. That the story we tell ourselves today will have a different meaning tomorrow. That other people’s interpretation of our lives is simply their thoughts and fears interpreted on a set of information they observe, often partial.

Enjoy this…

Marie x

A farmer had only one horse.  One day, his horse ran away.

All the neighbours came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”   The man just said, “We’ll see.”

A few days later, his horse came back with twenty wild horses.  The man and his son corraled all 21 horses.

All the neighbours came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”   The man just said, “We’ll see.”

One of the wild horses kicked the man’s only son, breaking both his legs.

All the neighbours came by saying, “I’m so sorry. This is such bad news. You must be so upset.”   The man just said, “We’ll see.”

The country went to war, and every able-bodied young man was drafted to fight. The war was terrible and killed every young man, but the farmer’s son was spared, since his broken legs prevented him from being drafted.

All the neighbours came by saying, “Congratulations! This is such good news. You must be so happy!”   The man just said, “We’ll see.”

Categories: Better Thinking, Life Insights

Becoming a Time Warrior

on January 9, 2011 · Be the first to comment...

I’m going to become a time warrior in 2011.

As some of you know, I am working with the brilliant, insightfully clever US coach Steve Chandler in his coaching prosperity school at the moment. He is writing his twenty somethingth book on time.   I’ve had a sneak peak at some of it and it’s GREAT. I think it could become my 2011 “keep by the desk and refer” read.

I’m generally good at managing time and planning and getting myself organized. AND I do too much. I get distracted too much, I put off those things that if I just got on with them, took action and completed them they’d be done in no time. Instead I sometimes think about them, plan things in my head, go over them, feel guilty about not having done them, see the pile of in tray and unanswered e mails and get overwhelmed because I don’t have time.

Well l do have time. I am going to stop thinking about time as a linear concept in 2011. I will be focusing on completion and on devoted time (2 concepts in Steve’s book)

I’m on a quest against interruption and distraction. I’m going to get really excited about gentle, sustained focus.

Steve Chandler talks about sustained thinking with reference to Voltaire and I’ve reproduced part of Steve’s writing here…

“Voltaire observed, “No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking.”

The key word in Voltaire’s observation is “sustained.”  We don’t sustain. We don’t take long, thoughtful, sustained walks. We don’t sit quietly in space and solitude until a problem disappears (which it would) because we are too busy.

Or, we think we are. Same thing.

We think we’re busy, especially today, with the way our “phones” hook us up to the whole nagging planet. We are so connected now! We never have to be alone again!

This is good?

In most ways, it is. It’s fun and exciting when I sit in my Arizona office and get an urgent text from a client in Scotland. The phone beeps and I grab it and check it.

But what happens when I do that?  I interrupt my meditative train of thought and it might have been a train that was taking me to a HUGE breakthrough solution to a major challenge.  Beep, beep, beep!  And I stop.  I am on to something beautiful if only I would continue but I stop.

Are you a good piano player?  No?  But you took lessons, once, didn’t you?  Yes?  What happened?

“I stopped.”

Have you ever looked back on your life and wondered what would have happened if you hadn’t stopped?  Piano, a foreign language, studying a certain subject, a distant love, anything.

Management and efficiency studies in the work place tell us that one hour of uninterrupted time is worth three hours of time that is constantly interrupted.

Or, as the old saying says, winners focus, losers spray.

So the warrior element in how you relate to time is how violent a swordsman you are going to be before your day begins.  How much uninterrupted time will you carve out for yourself?  Will you be a true time warrior?  Because if you will, you’ll love your timeless time. You’ll be amazed what you can create when time not an issue”.

Here’s to being a time warrior in 2011!

Categories: Life Insights

Fearless Creativity

on August 18, 2010 · Be the first to comment...

"We still think spirit lives beyond the mind and the body. That we have to call on it. Or pray for it. Or earn it. We desperately "call on the light" or  ask that prayers be "answered" not knowing we are made of light. Isn't spirit already always infusing both mind and body with the life force? But we "reach out," calling for better fortune, for more light, like the sun asking to borrow a candle.

     Fearless creativity is already in us, waiting. Just waiting. It's waiting for us to take action, because that's how it gets released. Steven Pressfield, in his masterpiece The War of Art asks, "How many of us have become drunks and drug addicts, developed tumors and neuroses, succumbed to painkillers, gossip, and compulsive cell-phone use, simply because we don't do that thing, that our hearts, our inner genius, is calling us to?"

 Steve Chandler- club fearless

I really like this. As with all things without coincidence, it popped into my in box at a time when I am struggling with my inner genius (I'm not being big headed- we all have one).

Sometimes, I just have too many ideas, and then I think how is that possible -to have too many ideas? Ideas are great. I love them. So we can never have enough in my book. It's what we do with them ( or don't do with them) that creates the issue isn't it?

I have a coaching client who has genius ideas and has made some of her ideas into products in the past. For example, she sells this wonderful changeable identity bracelet that you can place on children when they go off or when you are out and about.(Great idea for the not so young at festivals too methinks). Anyway, she created the idea, had the product developed, ran it as a biz for a  while, still gets orders but doesn't promote it much because, well, she's moved on.

She is now working on developing her next business which will be, quite simply, a stonking success. I'm coaching her on how to make her big dream and passion a reality. I know she is going to make a huge difference in the world.  But what about the other idea she had that resulted in a product that people still want? Well, she could reinvigorate it, pass it on to someone in the family, sell it on or let it wither couldn't she? She wants to create space for the new ideas to inform her new business so she will take action to take the bracelets biz off of her personal radar. 

Whatever she does, we know that her genius has gone into over drive on something else closer to her heart.

When she talks about her developing business, she is full of light. I can see it -in her eyes and all around her. She's like a proverbial lighthouse. A lighthouse that attracts and is on course, rather than giving a warning signal of rocks ahead, off course. What will make her so successful is her ability to follow her heart. Her inner genius is shouting out- do this, do this!! Now that she is on the path to getting that started and moving it forward,her inner genius is responding like a love magnet.

We had our first session last week and the ideas and plans flowed easily. Why? Became she connected really clearly with her WHY and her WHAT.

Why do I want to create this? What will it look like? What benefits will it give to people who buy it,? What do I need to do in terms of actions, delegations and deletions to make this possibility a reality? What will the business model be? What will the product funnel look like? etc etc etc

She is almost fearless about it because- she believes in her idea and the difference it will make. So what's there to fear? I've been coaching long enough to know there will likely be a few ears popping up on the journey , but I don't think there will be many. As they pop up- we'll pop them out and get rid of them through the coaching. She will be the Bodacea of business by the time we have finished.

What steve chandler is talking about in his piece is the avoidance of our genius and how as human beings we often choose avoidance in all sorts of ways. I do it by creating chaos sometimes. I know I am on the brink of something new and exciting that is going to make a huge difference and then sub consciously I create a chaotic tip. Chaos central is created in no time in the office, the house, the paperwork- anywhere I can find a space to create one really. This keeps me busy for hours and sometimes days- sorting, tidying, de-cluttering and bagging up for the charity shop. Then when the space is created and now that I'm ready, the ideas flow into actions and we're off.  I'm still working through the ideas in my head and on paper (rather than firing off on the first one) at the moment. I know when I am good to go that actions will flow!

So, what are you creating at the moment? What are you avoiding? What lights you up? What are you being called to do or be? What in your inner genius is setting your heart on fire?   

Whatever it is do it fearlessly……..
   
Marie x
  

Categories: Life Insights

Hello havent seen you in a while!

on July 1, 2010 · Be the first to comment...

 
Hello -Haven't seen you in some time

I haven't blogged here for ages. largely because I have been run off my tootsies with a few training/mentoring projects and coaching commitments that have taken me away a lot.Significantly, i've been attending the Supercoach Academy developed by Michael Neil of Genius Catalyst ..It has been a fantastic 6 month experience where I, along with 38 other coaches ranging from the uber talented to downright brilliant, have both re-visited and learnt transformative coaching skills. We have been exposed to those who Michael has learnt from or partnered with.The Academy was a mix of monthly sessions in New York, weekly group sessions, masterclasses and an on-line forum. A great way to engage with people like me who love intensive learning and opportunities to debate with and share ideas with other coaching professionals.i've been coaching a long time- there is always more to learn, more insights to discover, more self awareness to access that makes me an even better coach.

My regular clients have noticed. Last week one described our session as "akin to being coached by a human laser which shows compassion, humour and amazing insight all within one hour"- How wonderful is he to give that feedback unprompted.
Another said "please stop going on all of this training- I'm worried that our sessions will soon be 15 minutes long because I gain insight so quickly as a result of your questions that I'm worried I will be cooked in a quarter of the time – I like the hour of thinking, reflecting and shifting every week.With this particular client, I spent 15 minutes in silence yesterday. She said it was the most powerful 15 minutes of her life save when she knew that her baby was going to be born in the next 10 hours and as she remembered to breathe and relax, she just knew life would never be the same again- it would be wonderful.I have such lovely clients!!

So, during the next few weeks I'm going to be sharing some of that learning and insight in the hope that you too find it more than wonderful………………

marie x

Categories: Life Insights